the hole in my heart has finally been filled... Emily said we are back to being heterolifemates. I cried the happiest tears of my life. I want to spend every day proving to her that this second chance means so much for me. I am so thankful to God and fate and anything that brought us back together. Life is so much nicer with a best friend who knows you deep down...we've known each other for ten years now. And still totally get each other. I'm sincerely so happy.

yes, I would've.

simply put, I'm going to gracefully bow out.

This is perfect for me.

My head is really still fucked up over my feelings, but I'll be okay. I know what I want and I know I'm going to do anything I can to reach my goals.

"I picked out your star, turned night to day.. a simple whisper from your voice and I fade away... you wish for love, you push me away... your love for me was everything I need, the air I breathe"

watching lightning storms in the desert.
gentle kisses that make me crave more.
laughter that seems to make time dissolve.
music, memories and the best goddamned time of my life.
tomorrow we'll be alone for an entire day and night in this apartment. the possibilities are endless.

what took me so long?

happinesss!!!!

-does a little dance- Josh is in my bedddddddd... right over there.... watching me post this.

holy bajesus, batman... its Tuesday.

sometimes music can be like coffee in the morning. though I really wish I had a cup of coffee right now instead, CSS will work just fine since music is my hot, hot sex
oh and of course music is my great-grand daughter.
so Josh is coming for a couple of days and man... I've got too many things to do this morning, including writing a letter to President Obama about the DES office here... and whether or not he thinks he'd win a fight against Chuck Norris.
the suckiest part of living in Phoenix is that at like 10:30 last night it was still over 100 degrees outside... then I wake up and it has cooled off to 89 degrees outside and its... 55 degrees in my apartment because my mother keeps turning down the thermostat all night.
so yeah, I'm wearing a hoodie right now under three blankets and I'm still freezing my nanners off.
the next post will probably be a picture of me and my Josh-cicle in mid smoooch. haha. or maybe just making silly faces.

wish me luck.

ahhh so, that's it. my sugar plum is arriving tomorrow and I couldn't be happier.

Katie and Josh sitting in a tree... hahaha.

(it was me and you... and a whole town under water... and there was nothing we could do.)

Ahhh.... its almost Tuesday.
I'm so nervous its retarded but so excited.

hide and seek, trains and sewing machines

spending time alone, thinking... listening to music.
excitement reduces down to uncertainty, fear of the unknown, fear of being happy.
fear of someone new, fear of who I used to be... who I still am.
bringing myself to listen to some songs that bring up memories.

the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

tangle me in your arms, I want to fall into a dreamless sleep.