August 4, 2010

  • "What you know... you don't want to know, you're with stupid now"..

     

    started my internship today. It went really well.

    I cried on the drive home. Not being able to call him, or anyone really; not being excited to tell anyone how well I did- hurt so much. I miss him more and more. I want to shake this depression, it feels like a heavy skin I can't remove. 

    "Fuck you and youre untouchable face and fuck you for existing in the first place. who am I, that I should be vying for your touch? who am I? I bet you can't even tell me that much".

     

    I feel things I haven't ever really felt before. A wave of heaviness on my chest is a good way to describe it. My head keeps searching for comfort but winds up tracing back to things that are all connected to New York City. How can I survive this while I'm in Phoenix? Where can I get lost? Where can I lose this baggage?

    I want to walk in the rain. I want to go home so badly. I want to be held. I want to rewind all the way to when I was sixteen years old. A rainy night in Brian's bedroom.