I have turned my dining room area into my office/artist/reader space with my husband's help as I have worked from home for the majority of the last two years and have been developing my psychic medium/tarot reading business. This space has one L shaped desk which faces the back of our home. This first desk is my primary desk; when I worked from home for brands like the WWE Shop and AEROPOSTALE using this desk. In the opposing corner, a second desk is set up with a velvet table cloth, crystals, a smudging kit, a small lamp shrouded in the hazy grey of some long-forgotten silk scarf. At some point, my husband decided to mount a 42' plasma screen on the wall to be used as an alternative screen. He searched during the pandemic and actually did go out in public to find the thunder cable from apple that would be necessary to connect this massive screen (which would then be displaying what I was doing on my lap top for um anyone in the entire house to see at all times... hmmm...) When he finally got it all set up, we realized that I did have a working USB mouse but not a USB keyboard. This meant that in order to actually use the laptop connected to the big screen, one using the laptop cannot lower the screen in such a way to effectively make use of the big screen. But my post isn't a complaint about technology, for the record. I am setting the stage, motherfucker.
This means every time I am working on my laptop sitting at that desk (since that is where I am set up for pretty much everything I use my computer for) I end up sitting in my office with the lowest light on (I am pretty sure I also have sensory issues, its not just my HFA hubbster) which is a little light clipped up on the shelf with my WWE Raw Women's championship replica title belt, which sits right above that big plasma tv previously mentioned.
So sitting with the laptop on the desk, the plasma tv just sits on the wall behind my laptop screen, turned off... not a problem, right? It isn't really a problem but something more curious...
The lighting allows me to constantly and pretty clearly see my own reflection sitting at the desk.
As I get deeper into learning more the ancient ways of the tarot and, of course, pair that with the stories from Alice in Wonderland since my business is Rabbit Hole Tarot (rabbitholetarot.com)
I read about things referencing through the looking glass multiple times a day... and I just sat here thinking, what if this is my version of a looking glass? Why am I being confronted with myself in this way?
its funny, in that reflection I notice myself now.. my hair clean, straight, barely kissing the tops of my shoulders. No extensions. In this reflection, it doesn't look bad or even close to as hideous as I had been feeling it looked once I started to lose it from stress.
I then start to look at her a little closer at the young lady sitting there. I decide to step outside of myself, pretend this woman sitting there isn't me. I decided to look her over as objectively as I can, this could be fun right?
Then as soon as I look at her and see that she actually has a REALLY pretty face, I realize I am blushing.
So here I am, making my last stand for my own goddamned sanity.
I am a good person.
I can figure this out.
Who am I? I guess I am meant to get to know her now.