March 10, 2011

• Forced writing never feels as good. I have this desire for creation and destruction at the same time. I'm debating whether or not I should get up and put something together. Things are literally falling off my book case including my latest award from ASU, Blue-Rays I'll never watch again, and my regret stacks up in a similar fashion. I'm working too hard to make myself believe that this is the only person who will ever accept me for exactly who I am right now and its starting to wear on me. Even though I sincerely have feelings for you, I ultimately am always trying to save someone and I'm tired. I don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Today was disheartening and I keep trying to remind myself: Creativity takes courage.

  It does, and its one of those, "nut-up-or-shut-up" moments. I'm struggling to be true to myself.

  23 year old me doesn't want 22 year old me's drama.

  I finished the novel, The Lie by Chad Kultgen. I also read his first novel, The Average American Male. Both have given me a more raw perspective on life that is hard to ignore.

  Now the debate begins as to what I should create and how.

   

   

  Being alone is cheaper. Self preservation tastes like a glass of ice water.

   

  • 1:56 am
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