April 8, 2011

  • This week has been crazy in a good way.

     

    #25 : Luke

     

    Abso-fucking-lutely worth it in every sense of the word. Most funny, smart, ambitious, handsome, interesting, sexy, amazing guy I've come across in all of Arizona (with the exception of one other person). One awesome guy every year then, since I'm coming up on my two year anniversary here soon.

    We're going there: Goo Goo Dolls - Slide

     

    and I thought I was lucky finding someone with a job and a car... but successful, owns his own house, and a dog... and a son, which is fine with me... 

    I can't mess this up. I can't mess this up. I can't mess this up.

     

    Have you ever met someone you wanted to hold onto for dear life? Not in a clinger sense, but in a: I finally found you.

    We took our time getting to know each other slowly, finally went on a date and it was like a dream. Those hazel green eyes, the way he says my name, his smile so bright it lights up the whole room even in the dark comedy club. His hand laced with mine felt fucking phenomenal. And when we stepped outside he just looked at me and said, "I don't know how to explain it, but this just feels right".

     

    On the way to a job interview for a job I clearly won't be taking because why would I leave a job where my potential new boyfriend is the next door neighbor of the children I currently work with... I heard Kate Nash's song "Navy Taxi" for the first time in a long time

    carry your bags in a Navy Taxi, man said, "take your time, love, 'cause you don't have to rush- cause its your life and its no one else's sweetheart-- don't let someone put you in a box"

    So I am going to do this right because I want to hold onto this, this diamond in the rough, this beautiful light at the end of the tunnel of a year without Lance- a self destructive while attempting to be productive year of disappointment and hurt. 

    When I told Luke I never let anyone touch my stomach and he did anyway really gently, he said something I don't think I've heard in years (if ever at all), "but you're beautiful just the way you are right now".

    As Kate Nash said.... this time it'll be different, this time it will be different, this time it will be different.

    it has to be.