April 9, 2011

  • The dark passenger is satisfied... for now.

    Though mine is unlike Dexter's, we all have one. Mine craves sex and pain killers. Though I left the second of the two at home, it was better for me. I was able to feel Luke; and understand part of him that hides behind a mask.

    Behind those piercing eyes... hazel, orange, cat like... like mine.

    I’m taking it slow
    Feeding my flame
    Shuffling the cards of your game
    And just in time
    In the right place
    Suddenly I will play my ace

    How do I play this? I know I am playing because it was the first time someone else bared all (or a lot more than expected) and I kept parts of myself hidden. Am I becoming better at lying, or just withholding my own truths? Am I starting to understand life from a different perspective? Or am I just watching too much Dexter? (My inner monologue is hilarious, though.)

    I feel like I'm trying to shoot at the moon. The clouds engulfed the mountains as he drove me home after breakfast this morning and it seemed like a new day. 

    Why has the happy, giddy feeling faded so quickly? But the desire to be with him is still strong. Someone to tear me apart again. That's the appeal (besides him living/working 15 feet from where I work)

    He's also beautiful. 

    Was his disclosure just a warning: he's got baggage to bring on this journey and I need to be prepared for it if I want to go forward? I have my own but it isn't like his. 

     

    Now I'm told that this is life
    Pain is just a simple compromise
    So we can we get what we want out of it
    Someone care to classify
    Broken hearts and twisted minds
    So i can find, someone to rely on,

    And run to them
    to them
    Full speed ahead

    I looked at him as we ate breakfast and thought; number 25. I don't want there to be a 26.

    Can't this be the last stop on my trip alone?

    Will I even let myself buy a ticket?

    And as I wrote this he wrote something sweet and beautiful to me. And my heart races again. I keep seeing the image of him with his hair down, shirt off, those perfect lines of his strong shoulders and arms, his piercing eyes... and though I am trying to stay distracted, I wish I was kissing him right now.