August 10, 2011

  • Flightless Bird, American Mouth

     

    In the haze of a dream I stepped through the door and felt your eyes all over me, your hands gently reached for the curves of my body pulling me close to you. As we embraced I felt you take a deep breath, breathing me in, smelling my hair, tasting how nervous I was. As if it were our first time together, I felt the butterflies flittering in my stomach as you carefully took my hand and pulled away from me, green hazel orange eyes like mine looking past the surface. I felt naked as you placed that first kiss on my gently shaking lips. As our tongues tangled all of the words and the lies and the complications seemed to strip away, falling to the ground softly like the first snow. 

    Leading me upstairs to your bedroom I felt the tiny empty space in my heart where you've been living, begin to fill and spill over. Your gentle touch surprised me, you were so loving with every precise movement. I asked you to dance with me and you smiled, this small understanding smile. [this is what it could've been like if you hadn't let it go] Once the dance began I was lost in a swimming pool of bliss, fighting my body and my brain, trying to remember who I was and where I was going. Suddenly after a swift turn you pulled me back towards you, a little piece of your long hair fell in front of your face and we both smiled. You ran your hand along my face and stopped all movement, saying, "I just want to enjoy this moment"

    My heart felt like a balloon that had just swelled and bursted in the same moment. [Just for tonight, darling, let's get lost] When the song ended you laid your head on my chest, listening to my heart beating like a kick drum, rhythmically but with a slowing pace. I stroked your hair gently back and as I breathed in deep it felt like I could feel the oxygen in my lungs. I could feel every cell filling up, moving, working. I could tell you didn't want to move and neither did I, after a long while you kissed my stomach and looked at me again, body limp and strewn across your bed and with the most sincere smile, one more kiss before you stood up. 

    Coming back to Earth we eventually returned to your bed, gently tracing our fingers along still exposed areas of our bodies. My chest still felt full enough to explode at any moment and I gathered myself to leave.

    The rest of the day I swam in the memory of that morning. I day dreamed about the moment that the piece of hair fell forward in your face, the look in your eyes, the perfect movements. Loving motions. Static chaos.

    [with you in my head]

     

    Sticky sweet I found an opportunity to come back that night, and just as before we fell into each other quickly, this time more aggressively. All I can do is grin and smile at my dirty little secret, where was she? She was asleep, of course. It was all a dream.

     

    And when I wake you aren't mine- though I never gave myself fully over to you I never expected this.