May 28, 2012

  • "I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,"

     

    When a heart break, it doesn't break even. 

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    I moved from Phoenix, to Canton, NC which is in West North Carolina, near the city of Asheville which is basically like the entire Village picked up and got dropped in NC. 

    I am living on the outskirts with a family -- a single mom in my age range, a 17 year old boy named Orion, an 8 year old girl named Edin and a 10 month old named Ari (a boy). All that money dwindled to hardly anything left after I gave my mom, family stole from me, paid for rent/bills and the entire move for my mom and I. Money goes faster than you expect when you're trying to fill a void that material possessions don't fill.

    "What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?"

     

    I've taken parts of my ex's from the last couple of years and fell into what they liked, made those likes my own (the Walking Dead, Portal, etc.) I still sincerely like these things on my own but now I'm in the first apartment of my own-- not with my mom, not with my boyfriend, its my own. I also have the first car I own- even though it is used, I own it outright. This is my mission to learn myself, figure out about the years locked away... figuring out who I am, what I like, what I want out of this life if I am so destined to live it out.

    I am one class short of my bachelor's degree. I had to drop it because of an uncooperative teacher so I wasted a semester and walked in a fake graduation. I spent a ton of money on it as well.

     

    I don't really feel empty or have any regrets. My landlord does what I did in Phoenix, my favorite thing, but I have even backed off of the pills. I'm attempting to finally learn who I am. If it means a year stuck in the mountains, so be it.

    a shift in my point of view is important.