July 31, 2012

• Too Close

  You broke your promises
  and so I followed suit,
  Which way is right or wrong?
  I could finish your sentences
  and you could read my mind
  but he was able to do the same
  so I went on my way, 
  trying to grab the sharp shards,
  the mirror of the last six years
  shattered at my feet
  I rushed to pick them up
  and cut my hands, fingers
  and the reflection isn't the same
  like puzzle pieces can I resurrect 
  a Phoenix out of the ashes?
  or is she dead in there
  empty eyes begging for paradise
  settling for small town blues
  and aspiring only to breathe
  not even to impress the rest
  but simply not to leave this chaos
  wild, liar, backstabber
  why dream of a future with me
  when you're simply the flowers 
  that you would place on my casket
  even though I said I wanted to be ash
  burn out all of the hatred
  resentment, addiction, sadness
  just replaced with distractions
  biding time, like a prison sentence
  I suppose I deserve it, though
  I let you spin my head around
  and around
  five years, and all I wanted was a resolution
  but my best friend inside of him
  killed himself, fell on the excuse 
  too short of a leash
  another night with him
  and my bones creek with regret
  stiff muscles, blurred vision
  walking into doors head on
  waiting to feel again, debating the want
  necessities, advice from strangers
  always wanting more
  wanting more now, not later
  a used dishrag, a paper weight novel
  hiding my true colors
  behind lyrics and literature
  paintings and prose
  the picture you took that I took credit for
  went out dancing so late
  things felt like they hadn't changed at all
  but they have, across the country and back
  to some foreign version of me
  wondering if I am floating in either ocean
  and who is living in my shell?
  human costume, hearing your voice in the dark
  Choking on the past

  • 11:49 am
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