August 23, 2014

  • Starting again

    Here I am, ten years later and I'm at it again
    sixteen and I am smelling your sweat-stained t-shirt
    sitting on the floor, folding clothes
    thinking about the ways I've fucked up this time
    and your lips consume me as I daydream
    something about the way I touch your skin
    and how all the sharp lines of the world fade
    with the smooth curves of your arms, legs
    eyes that hold countless secrets I'd die to hear
    I sit there desperately in my own heartache
    I wonder when the end will really be the end
    and here I am again, 26 and lost in chaos
    the boy who makes my heart race
    who holds my heart back with one hand
    that never grows up to really be a man
    that hides in dark corners
    just to surprise from the shadows
    the one that has his own heartache
    his daddy left behind
    the one that buries himself in the trivia
    to ignore the current weight on his chest
    the one that is mired in the mud
    mud of yesterday's mistakes, impulses
    here I stand between the beginning and the end
    they seem one in the same, first and last
    and I try to hold back, but I love to my pores
    and my bones ache with knowing
    that he never really loved me
    and you can't either, not the way I love you
    and I'll sit and smell your sweat-stained t-shirt
    and know I can't find a way to leave
    before this ride crashes and burns