March 9, 2015

  • I was not magnificent.

    I beat my body to a pulp.
    Watch the blood register, black out highs
    Lowest lows.
    Faceless men between my legs.
    Nameless people across telephone lines
    I'm doing time
    Painful stabs of the reality
    Heroin arms that hold me tight
    Day light that hurts my eyes
    When food and art and breathing become unappetizing
    the last back up falling through the cracks
    working over time to make that next check huge
    make it as big as I can so it can go right in
    whisk me from this weary world
    I don't want to see the skyline of 27 any more
    I am content to kiss the earth goodbye
    stab that needle in the ground
    it beat me, like it beat my father
    and his father
    and I knew I was never anything special
    I knew I wanted to be
    I wished I could be
    but I was passed the point of no return
    I always said you'd find me in Oklahoma
    working some sad waitress job
    but I don't even want that any more
    just take my name, my face
    I'm finished now
    underscore this sadness with a soundtrack
    Pandora love and empty promises
    let this hurt trickle out
    let someone tell my story someday
    and remember the girl with the beautiful heart
    that could not pick up the pieces