August 12, 2015

  • Rosyln

    we found out I am pregnant. we were going to get married. I don't really want to write out all that happened.

    I feel stupid and numb, like Bella Swan when Edward leads her and we see the stupid shot of her sitting there for months not moving.

    I don't understand my purpose or place. For just a moment, it feels like the blink of an eye really... I trusted him. We had a future with some goals, some dreams. If I could rewind I would go back to the summer of 2010. I would not have gone to the scream park. I would never have met David. I never would have been pregnant by him.

    I was excited to have this baby. Now I feel absolute misery. I want Matt to go to work so I can lay and quietly cry myself to sleep.

    I still could do it. I still could take out the money, go to Seattle... hike... die under some ancient tree in the plush grass in heroin's loving arms.

    I just have to be quiet until then.