August 12, 2015
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Rosyln
we found out I am pregnant. we were going to get married. I don't really want to write out all that happened.
I feel stupid and numb, like Bella Swan when Edward leads her and we see the stupid shot of her sitting there for months not moving.
I don't understand my purpose or place. For just a moment, it feels like the blink of an eye really... I trusted him. We had a future with some goals, some dreams. If I could rewind I would go back to the summer of 2010. I would not have gone to the scream park. I would never have met David. I never would have been pregnant by him.
I was excited to have this baby. Now I feel absolute misery. I want Matt to go to work so I can lay and quietly cry myself to sleep.
I still could do it. I still could take out the money, go to Seattle... hike... die under some ancient tree in the plush grass in heroin's loving arms.
I just have to be quiet until then.
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