February 6, 2016

  • Love, Marylin

    My mom got me a laptop for school and it has afforded me freedom. I love watching Donnie Darko (Which I already did tonight) and Love, Marylin.... not really in a suicidal way, I find her to be an inspiration even with her sad paperwork they found and narrate for the movie. Having Will gone has been such a relief. I feel like I was getting sicker because of the stress he was causing me. I finally feel like writing some poetry.

    5 to 6 am I like to smoke a cigarette
    I talk to them sometimes, tell them what a soldier they have been
    life becomes something you make for yourself
    letting others get in the way puts up bars
    making your own cell when you already have bars around your thoughts
    makes the stars, the paint, the idea of love just ideas
    carbon paper or painting who you are
    writing down a recipe in the back of a sketch book
    creating the taste of your mother's home
    when peace finally draws in she makes it on her own
    I used to hate not talking to one ex
    but ex is an ex for a reason
    and he is married, something I find myself jealous of
    half the time I want that commitment
    half of the time I wish I had a baby to nurture
    until I realized I had to nurture myself first
    understanding where life can take you never works
    surprising interstates at night
    calling out liars but myself
    loving cities and places I can't bring myself home to
    but I can love myself and where I am going
    and even with my baggage I can start fresh again
    each day is a new day to start over
    I love you, Marylin; though you were a mystery
    but you remind me that tomorrow can be a new day
    if I work hard enough one day opportunity will knock