Month: October 2017

  • Henry you danced like a wooden Indian.

    I'm going nowhere
    but I'd like to escape
    This mess, this torture
    public humiliation
    If only I could explain
    I just want a deep, dark hole
    some place to hide until its finished
    I want to be able to sleep at night
    this is just a figure 8
    looping back around to the same
    problems, shit, redundancy
    at its finest
    I can barely move
    this spot is warm and safe
    unbuckled my seat belt
    smoked cigarettes until I choked
    until there wasn't a single one left
    There isn't enough
    and there isn't really any
    The last bit was consumed
    why can't I be left alone?

  • Charlie Boy

    His tongue darted in my mouth
    As if he were trying to push the words down
    Shove each vowel down my throat
    Underestimating my gag reflex
    And nothing felt right
    Nothing felt good
    This is terribly forced
    And we are awful actors
    Lying to each other just to hold on
    This will all be over soon

  • read my mind

    I'm always counting chickens
    Before the eggs are even laid
    Now I don't have a thing to my name
    A borrowed phone, one last pack of smokes
    Not sure where I'll get another from
    Singing the blues
    I cry myself to sleep at night
    I wait until your breathing steadies
    and I know you are completely out
    and then I touch your face softly
    Trying to tell myself it will be okay
    Because of you
    and then the next day I watch
    as tears well up in his eyes
    feeling the whole weight of the world
    aching for what he has lost
    and I try not to ache for what I will lose
    I'm not stupid, I know this can't last forever
    (Why do all good things come to an end?)
    Waiting for the other shoe to drop
    Just piles on the anxiety
    But I can't blame his naivety
    When I was 18 I thought I'd spend forever with someone else
    And at 22, and 26
    the sad, unrelentless truth is everyone dies alone
    Everyone usually suffers alone
    And there is more of the world for him
    And I'm afraid, just one ticket
    So I'll stay behind and someday lick my wounds
    When he does move on
    If you could read my mind
    I'm trying to turn this all around
    Stuck on a carousel of problem after problem
    I don't even mind any more
    I'll just tackle it one thing at a time

  • Quantification

    How to we quantify things? By measuring them against other known constants but my question is, who quantified those? Where did we come up with things like,"That's a football field away"? And love, the most important thing of all is just one of the many things in the universe that cannot be quantified, it is fluid and liquid at the same time. It is a feeling, a rush, maybe crushing in your chest, maybe making your face muscles hurt from smiling so much... Then there is the hunt for the person that can make you feel that way. "Are you my soul, my heart, my demon in the dark, pull everything apart, are you gonna be my love?"- Shark, Oh Wonder. Then what do we do when we have this feeling and the other person becomes distant, is it just over? When do we draw a line in the sand... lord knows I have never been good with that shit, I usually draw the line then jump over it and run for the hills. We try to make all of these pretty little things in life; paintings, knick-knacks, add a personal touch to everything like our phones or computers. What makes us special? What makes there be more to this.. living day by day paycheck to paycheck

  • little bubble

    Snow falls still on the valley
    Underscoring tragedy and joy
    Lay me down, let my heart slow
    Use your instruments
    Pull it out, make it beat
    The box is locked
    And it holds the key
    Broken splinters on the floor
    Exit wounds and sarcastic smiles
    Tear apart every memory
    Of men and boys alike
    Who crushed me endlessly
    Now I watch what I say
    "I love you" is just a pacifier
    You're going to leave someday
    and I'm tired of pretending you won't
    I keep vomiting cliches
    Spit out all the words
    Anything everyone wants to hear
    Understanding that there really is nothing
    I am nothing but a puppet on a string
    Fine me a nice little bubble
    So you can observe me obey
    These chains are too heavy anymore

  • We live in a beautiful world

    Bad sneakers and a pina collata my friend
    when the days were so much more simple
    a joint, a glass of wine
    good music and backgammon
    before my heart was ever opened
    before so many men could tear it apart
    bold lies, open thighs, heavy breathing
    now he wants to protect me
    in tears he apologized for my past
    all the hurt and blood and sweat
    as the snow slowly falls
    I crave holding him in my arms
    I crave home, but that doesn't exist
    (except when I am with him)
    understated agony
    crumbling slowly each day
    pain covers me like a wet blanket
    then I realize I need warm gloves
    just to get the words out
    but we live in a beautiful world
    filled with dark corners
    heaven and hell just meaningless words
    I've seen the bottom of the pit
    I've crawled down the rabbit hole
    and now I am left with nothing