typically I'd post death cab lyrics for the song The New Year.

but not today.

I'm working 3-close.

then sharing champagne with my mother.

could be a decent new year?

have a safe one, friends.

my night was awful. greedy family members harassing me, rejection (in several forms) and fighting on top of being treated like a piece of shit by a scumbaggy co-worker today. then when I was gone, someone pissed in the chalk box - we have a large fitting room for families with a wall painted with black chalk board paint so kids can be amused while a parent tries on clothes. an adult dumped the chalk and pissed in the box. my poor boss Kelly had to clean it up. I felt so bad because she is so great, so I went over to Paradise bakery, grabbed cookies and coffee for her and a dozen cookies for my co-workers that were finishing out the night (the bitchy co-worker had left already) even though I got off work at 2pm....

when I got home, I wrote to her on facebook...

Kelly,

I hope you know I don't do nice things for you because I want something. Time and time again I am nice to the people at work and I get walked all over, ex) I got ****** a special penguin ornament and card for christmas because she always told me she liked my penguin earrings and look at how shitty she is to me all the time. Still, I stay true to myself and keep on giving because I know that sometimes it is really appreciated.The hug you gave me today let me know you sincerely appreciated the cup of coffee, and honestly that's all I wanted. I hope your day turns out a little bit better. I can't for the life of me understand why people feel like they have the right to turn into animals in our store (at any time, be it today or black friday or during any big sale). I guess it all will eventually make us better people in the end. Thanks for listening today, I appreciated it.

Have a good one,
- Katie

she wrote back later, after my awful awful night:

Katie,

I do appreciate you! You are quite possibly the most thoughtful person I know. You have a big heart, unfortunately some people are not very greatful. I am so sorry to hear that ****** is being so mean. Don't let that get you down, I know it sucks but you are better than that. You are a wonderful girl, surround yourself with people who truly appreciate your beauty inside and out because you deserve it. Be good to yourself, everything else will work out.

I'll see you at work and I expect to see your smile!

Kelly

it brought me to tears to know that someone sees me for who I am, the real me. the person I wish everyone saw..

New Years Resolutions:

1. I will not be so trusting.
2. I will value myself (and my time)
3. I will make decisions after thinking through options.
4. I will put more heart into the things that matter and give less weight to things that dont.
5. I will keep creating art. I am talented and should be proud of my work.

I don't know.

I had a really shitty day at work. I can't wait until my books come in the mail. I want to hide out in my house for a while. I am perfectly content there.
On my futon. As a couch. (Comfortably numb?)

I think that in Feburary when I go for the Jack's Mannequin show to Vegas, I'm going to go to California after (hopefully to see Josh.) and then come home, make a triangle if you will. I got 5 days off of work approved and can save enough money between now and then for it.

Now I'm going to get under my blanket and watch the rest of Revolutionary Road - which was a much better book than movie, by the way.

I cant sleep on my futon open any more. I can only fall asleep on it as a couch, and only if I am facing a specific direction. I have no clue why.

Christmas day sucked, work is okay... and finally sort of getting back to normal. I got to buy my favorite perfume today...and go to the movies with Leanna, which was fun but meant seeing Sherlock Holmes in theater two days in a row, and both days being subjected to sitting painfully close to the screen.

Goals are appearing and I am happy to take on new challenges.

and p.s. I can't wait til 1/11/10 because that is when I can watch the new epsiode of the big bang theory.

that is all for now.

holy shit my mom bought me the Lady Gaga Heart Beats headphones. They are the one she is wearing in the Bad Romance video. The sound is insane.. if I close my eyes its like being in the same room as her..
and a poster, and itunes.
I LOVE MY MOM!

after work today I'm feeling lonely... sad... empty. I got three cards, I was with people I generally love to work with.. but I guess it was that everyone had a buddy to work with all night but me.. I'm not sure. I feel hollow.
I know that shortly my world will be completely different but I am constantly procrastinating mulling over the thoughts of how it is going to change. sparkly black mascara smudges highlight my sorrow on my fingertips as I drag them under baggy eyes.

(The Beatles - A Day In The Life)

when I was a little girl, my grandmother on my father's side promised me she would get me a barbie doll for christmas. I must have been 7 or 8 years old. I never saw her again. Then we had to reconnect after my father passed because of the case we have. I said I would not talk to her because she owed me a barbie doll.
Today, Fedex showed up with a package for me from her.
It was a butterfly fairy barbie doll with a card that said, "here's to new beginnings".

sometimes, my life is too movie like.

well. since sleeping with Nick he hasn't called or texted me back, and I haven't texted him often, once or twice asking to hang out (after the three day rule, of course) and once to say congrats on getting his car back. I am not really too sad about it, I mean it was good fun... but oh well.. as they say, "all good things come to an end". too bad it was rather quickly. I think I am finally becoming more secure as a person. I am alright with being without a boyfriend because I like my own space, the ability to work as much as I want, to watch a zillion episodes of the same series, to play uno or backgammon at any time of the day while eating marshmellows and drinking orange juice if I so please.
I made a fantastic collage, the first one in over a year. The theme is "to fit in". I will take a picture soon.
Buy some of my art here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/justcounttothree

I can personalize anything for you!

on an odd side note, my ex boyfriend Brian, the one in the army... the one I lost my virginity to, the person I'd call my first official serious relationship, the one who lived with me... the one who flew to Vegas for 15 hours to see me in 2008 before deploying for Iraq, wound up visiting me this weekend. He was headed home to Brooklyn for Christmas, when the huge blizzard hit the east coast. Ironically, we had been talking in the last few weeks (I think I mentioned here that he helped me to really finally get Lance out of my life for good)... and his trip going home to NY from Colorado was a flight from there to Reno, Reno to Phoenix, Phoenix to New York. And of course, he wound up stuck in Phoenix. I picked him up from the airport and we got to hang out for a little bit before I went to work. We had a few good laughs. He came into work and I talked him into getting an Old Navy Card! hahahha... I got home from work at 1am, and he was asleep so I got in bed and watched The Big Bang Theory (which is my new sitcom addiction by the way) while he slept, then we just kinda cuddled. I had to take him to the airport at 7:15 am, then went to work from 9am to 7pm, which was a long shift but it was spent with my favorite Sunday people.

I'm looking for new inspiration: new good movies, books, music...
any suggestions are welcome.

thanks for the channuka present mom!

bought killer red heels today, a plaid skirt with red in it and a black corset with skulls... who could I wear it for!?

Three days my fucking nuts.
I don't want to wait.

I did not want to go to work today.
but I did.
and then I got broccoli cheese soup
and then Nick texted.
he's the guy I met on the bus that I reallllly liked... the one that works at the company affiliated with the non-profit I volunteer with... the one who likes michael jackson, has his own apartment, is a very very talented musician and is hilarious, and delicious to boot.
so I went over there, and left a very, very happy girl.
why? because not only did I get laid (and it was SPECTACULAR) but.. I finally finally finally told Lance to fuck off, I was done waiting for him. And the best part is, there's no dramatic strings attatched. I can go, hang out, watch a funny movie, listen to his fucking insanely talented band's recordings, and have fun and leave. And he is sweet to me! And respectful, and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
moving to Arizona is officially the best choice I have ever made. Amazing grades, job, volunteer work, friend with benefits, friends in general.. ah lucky.
And, Tracey and I are planning a cruise in January... so I'll see Miami for the first time and then be headed to the Bahamas.
Could Katie get any luckier? I hope so.

And I know that there is a particular party that likes me that reads this, but you gotta be glad at the minimum that Lance is done forrrrrrrrrrrever.