drinking, friends, clubs and bars are fun... but sometimes I miss my old life.

hmmm.....

ASU in a week.

my fling has flung. but it was aaaaaamazing.

time for weekend fun to start again!

ortho today for a cast
and then excuse me while I enjoy a fling with an old love from Tuesday-Thursday.

so I usually use my xanga strictly for writing poetry, prose, etc. but I am going to take it to it's maximum journal potential since I did shell out the money to be a life member and I should use it to chronical parts of my life.

last night my friend Victor and his girlfriend Kelsey picked me up at 7:15ish. What is really cool about Victor is that we grew up together in Brooklyn- we went to Junior High and High School together and bam years later we live 5 min away from each other in Phoenix, more than 2,000 miles from where we first met.

because the last time the three of us went out and Kelsey drove we got into an accident, Victor drove her car. I ditched my sling at home (but had to wear my splint, which was fine because my mom re-wrapped it earlier so it would look better) and we headed to Tempe Market Place. There we went to Dave and Busters and started pregaming with over priced drinks... Kelsey doesn't like the taste of alcohol (and honestly I don't either, this weekend is the most I have drank since I was 16) I bought her a snow cone to start. $17 and one drink each later, Victor treated for dinner which was so nice of him, especially since he was our designated driver. I think that alone made the night so much more fun because he didn't even have a shot with dinner, he stuck to water and I didn't once have to worry about getting home safe.

the first bar in Tempe we went to was the Mill Cue Club. we got there relatively early but the plan was:
cheap drinks ---> dancing ---->Irish Pub (more chilled out setting) ----> home?

we started with $3 long island ice teas that were HUGE and way too strong for both of us. Then we started doing shots of this mango kamikazes which tasted so sweet and got us drunk in 3 shots. I did a fourth and we headed off to some place to dance. I don't remember the name but everyone was stading around the dance floor and not dancing. Victor said it was too early because it was only 10:30 but Kelsey and I felt up each other before heading to the Irish Pub, Rúla Búla. On the way we saw female cops on horses pull over a car! hahaha... This was the only place with a cover charge, but $2 wasn't bad until I bought a Sex on the Beach and found out I was out of cash! We walked all the way out back and sat for a while at the bar, trying to get the attention of a hot Irish bar back for me. After several failed attempts we went to leave but the band had started. The guys looked like pirates and my favorite was the violin player, wearing a black bandana and black kilt. I got pulled up in front of A LOT of people by a really sexy girl and like a 70 year old man in a bow tie to do an Irish jig! Drunk and injured I still managed to keep the beat and kick ass (according to my friends and the cheering crowd!) plus Victor who will be posting all the pics on facebook, actually got it on video.

Next Victor's brother said he was in old town Scottsdale and invited us to Mulligans. I might have drunk dialed someone in the car... and then me and Kelsey had to pee so Victor dropped us off and went to park. Drunk as we were, we stumbled into the wrong bar, used the bathroom and then Kelsey started buying the drinks. A hot guy came over and started talking to me... I think his name was Scott. Eventually he brought pitchers of beer to his friends and left us looking for Victor. Five minutes later his friends waved me over to their table and we all started talking before Victor showed up and told us we were in DJ's tavern, not Mulligans... Him and Kelsey went next door to the other bar while I went outside with Scott and compared growing up in Brooklyn to growing up in Iowa.

We exchanged numbers and he walked me over to the right bar, hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Mulligens was THE MOST FUN part of the night. There was dancing, a stripper pole and guys buying us shots. I spent the majority of the time dancing with Kelsey, which seemed to piss off Victor because she got really into feeling me up and to be honest, so did I. She's pretty hot and I wanted to kiss her but after she kissed me on the cheek Victor turned bright red so I tried to back off a bit. 10 different guys told me and Kelsey we were the hottest girls on the dance floor which was awesome. I went up to the bar to get water and a bunch of hot guys were wearing the plastic Hawaiian flower necklaces aka lays and of course I leaned over, clevage and all and said, "so I see you already got laid tonight!" and the guys laughed. I asked how I could get laid and one guy said he'd give me his if I'd let him do a shot from my clevage so I said sure and took home a pink lay! The dance floor was crazy and eventually me and Kelsey got on stage and hit up the stripper pole (pics to come) and everyone cheered. Once we started getting too grabby on each other Victor jumped in and danced for a while. We left at like 1:45 and I was home by 2.

The best part was, there's more to come! more weekends, more bars and dancing, and the three of us are going to eventually go to Cali for a road trip.

Congratulations to me, this was the first fun weekend like this since I started college.
I'm so glad I moved to Phoenix!

I love college.

I love drinking.

I love women.

hahaha. another amazing night out. so glad to be 21

damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

went to First Friday--- it was amazing! all the artists.. blocks and blocks of people. good friends, great drinks... saw one of my friends and a bunch of other models get painted naked, then went to the Irish Pub for the first time. We drank, danced, sang, listened to the live band... yummy food, lots of guys talking to me... even got someone (very good looking btw)'s number... and he texted me when I left saying it was good to meet me.

Psha.

Going out tonight again. Its fun to be single and 21 and living some place where there's more than bars. I love the art scene here.

for the longest time all I wanted was to have stars in my eyes... the perfect love. One of my favorite movies is one that bombed back in the day called A Dream for an Insomniac. I loved the idea of that kind of life and romance. One of the best quotes from the movie is, "anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time. there are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them". Since I was 14 years old I sincerely believed that too- and yet I kept settling for guys who gave me mediocre feelings. Guys who had moments with me that made me see stars, but never quite reach them. And then I finally met a guy who made me feel things I had never felt before. He let me taste the sweetest bliss and never even had sex with me. This guy made me dream impossible dreams, made me feel the things I had always wanted to feel- important, beautiful, special, loved. And maybe he felt these things too, and maybe he didn't... but he let go of all the things we could have been so quickly.. a balloon slipping through the fingers of a child, soaring gracefully towards the clouds, never to return. I was hurt, but it wasn't unexpected. Then I sat back for days and listened to those love songs, songs he had sang to me while we watched lightning storms fracture the night sky, songs he sang me as we were falling asleep and I couldn't feel a thing.

I realized that for as much as I would give anything for that kind of love, to feel wanted that way... I need to find myself first. I need to find my own way, make my own choices and enjoy being selfish for the first time in my life. I finally decided that I can let myself dream, but trying to make something out of nothing is more than futile at this point. When love is meant to be mine, it will find me.

and yes, I typed all this one handed.

there's nothing like The Beatles as a musical cup of coffee in the morning.

"You took what I was saying and ran off to a parallel universe with it," - Mr. Cross, sounding puzzled.

the ground beneath me became transparent
confused, I tip-toed carefully
hoping not to break this fragile ground
this glass pathway to another me
and then I slid across instead
gracefully; with caution
this might not be quite so breakable
but ice can be just as thin
and then before I took a breath
the water swallowed me fast
fianlly, as I gasped for air
and I began to swim